Wanting the Unwanted

Wrapped packages can be a reason for panic. Deceptively presented like the most incredible, wonderful, amazing, desired item ever, to be cherished and eventually listed in your will because everyone wants it. You reach out, trying in every part of your body to accept the gift with grace when all you want to do is yell “Stop shopping at places with signs that promote ‘Eat Here and Get Gas!’” At least those presents are wrapped and physically exchanged. There are other presents, neither wrapped nor associated with a specific event. Their consequences do have the potential to be cherished and last long after our physical bodies return to the earth.

I am not alone in having received broken promises. I’m not talking about forgetting to take out the garbage or pay a bill. I mean telling someone you care and then finding every possible reason to not have the ability to care. The exchange of emotions is like a shattered mirror, all value and illusions lost. I dust those broken promises off every time an illusion is shattered, cherishing the truth revealed.

I love conflict. With trepidation I even look for conflict. No, I’m not the extreme road rage driver passing you the other day because you were only going the speed limit. I mean the conflict birthed when people share passionately what they believe in, and loving myself enough to look for new insights, new understandings. Conflict is like a package wrapped in a brown, used grocery bag, dropped off on the porch when no one is home. The suspicious item cloaks a dusty, grimy Tiffany lamp, requiring careful cleaning to reveal the abundant colors and shapes created by a master artist. I may want to give the same socks as a present to my grandfather, father, brother and son, time after time after time. Conflict compels me to notice how their eyes light up when they see a certain scarf, gloves, roses or Tiffany lamp. The courage to see others for who they are, really are and not what I want them to be, drives me to feed their passion. The return I receive is to experience radiant joy.


  1. Conflict, battle, war, struggle, encounter, WHERE IS THE PEACE we often seek? Man, woman, civilization; have yet to truly understand each other, and we ironically retain, and display the ability to create, to destroy, to love, and to hate. The balance is unequal and the cycle of chaos, perpetual. Forgiveness is understood and often difficult to engage. Our wheels needlessly spin in the sand.
    Life, death, reborn, second change with unknown time interval…. every day a new beginning, a new ending, another adventure, an opportunity to learn?….. A couple says “I do”, I will, I’ll love…. with the best intentions, and simultaneously occurring among their predecessors is a divorce, separation, a failed relationship, I won’t, you won’t, I don’t, and communication severed?
    What is a promise of love? Unconditional love is an ideal, yet in reality, it is almost impossible due to our innate imperfections. We are conditional, and we all have needs.
    Love is most often given (and promised) with true intentions, only the giver knows.
    Severed pathways occur due to our inability to understand one another. Small ears lacking the ability to hear the other, can cause us to miss the message completely. As a result, needs are not met, feelings are hurt, and the sincere spirit of love is pierced beyond repair if not addressed and resolved.
    Eventual removal of rose colored glasses reveals imperfections, missing expectations, and bewilderment. Communication, compassion bridge this gap. As the path of misunderstanding widens, the barrier begins to sprout, the problems and issues take a stronghold.
    Hearing the needs of one another is often blocked by the multiple external distractions which are readily available. Would we hear better if our ears we larger?
    Silence is power, and severs all. Forgiveness then retreats into an empty space and the vein of communication collapses.
    If we don’t see all this, are our Eyes too small? The paradigm of chaos repeats without awareness and resolution. Someone help me see.


  2. Peace is in the silence. Listening, without distractions, noticing our breath, submitting to Spirit, in silence, is where we find peace. Silence that comes from love, of Spirit and self is not anger, control or punishment. It is an intimate act of peace. The depth of understanding achieved from silence invites us to speak with compassion and forgiveness, rather than forcing an agenda, making assumptions, blaming and accusing. Silence is also a way to allow each individual in a conflict the ability to be responsible for their own words and actions rather than projecting emotions on someone else. Silence, which might be for a minute, day or decade, welcomes forgiveness. When all involved in a conflict honor silence, accept responsibility, and forgive, destructive, violent patterns are changed. At times, one or more people involved in a conflict can find silence and forgive, yet if safety is not restored, silence can offer a protective sanctuary rather than perpetuate a harmful, hurtful pattern.


    1. Written intellectual expression affords opportunity for clarity and serenity, and embraces desired silence of requested duration.


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