The sensation explodes in my mouth yet the act of swallowing, welcoming the substance into my body, is barely recognized. When I take the time to notice the exquisite taste I can be overwhelmed. Similar to eating the most decadent dessert, the span of childhood can seem momentary.
As a child I remember imagining what I would do if I was the parent, teacher, president, or dictator. I would rule the world with playful irresponsibility. When my time came, becoming one confused parental body, I had no idea where to begin to make the onslaught of decisions. How is it possible to carry, nurture, and birth a new life while forgetting the joy, laughter and playfulness of being a child?
Today, I celebrate my anniversary of the miracle of giving birth. The transition of releasing two beings as one to two separate beings stopped time, thought, and the constant distracting mindless chatter. I became aware, completely of the present moment, of new life and first breath. I was not the first and will not be the last to experience this miracle.
I have much to be thankful for on this anniversary. Vulnerability, desire to remember the wonder of innocence and forgiveness for myself for so very many missed opportunities to love without expectation, are just some of the reasons I am humbly grateful for the experiences of motherhood.
Like a child asking a million times“Why . . . ” I asked myself questions along the way. Unfortunately, I often did not know the questions to ask. I haven’t given up, and continue my search for the questions that will bring me back to the decadent, rich, sensation of childhood.
Your posts are uplifting, Victoria, and make me wish I were a better man. Ray
I hope my words allow you to see the better man you already are.