For the past year or more I have been asking/praying for abundance and ease. It’s not a new desire, just a new understanding of what I need to do to have the life I want. Just saying abundance and ease has been uncomfortable for me. For so many years I would say, without thought, “Why is my life so hard?” I asked the question and received the reply – hard.
I have resisted, in so many ways, excess. That has often translated to denial, of my worth, my value. It also resulted in having utility companies calling, threatening to cut off services.
There was anger behind my resistance to abundance and ease. I was angry at people who lived in excess – making more money than I could imagine, owning homes, cars, things that I felt would never be mine. How could one person deserve so much more than another? What did that say about “them”? What did that say about me?
It might seem counterintuitive, to quit a job while imagining abundance and ease. Well, leaving a job can offer ease of time. Leaving without a definite income is not exactly the picture of abundance. I left a job I love because the salary was going backward. Eight years, no raise, two cuts, no compensation, the opposite of abundance and ease. I walked away trusting, believing, envisioning abundance and ease. I made this choice wanting the ability to live with a more respectful exchange for my skills and abilities. I do not want to live in excess, to intensify the disparity which already exists. To increase the separation of haves and have-nots. I prefer to live simply, and would appreciate my lifestyle to be a choice rather than a necessity.
Recently, I was asked a question.
“Can I buy you a car?”
The person who asked had lived in excess, houses, cars, salary, along with excess weight, prescriptions and depression. His life changed five years ago, opening his eyes and heart to joy, health and mission.
“No” I replied, wanting to hold on to my belief that I will independently succeed.
My heart sent a message, “Consider what you are saying no to.”
I considered my lifestyle and the life I bring to relationships, community and myself.
The next question nudged its way to me “Do you really want to say no to abundance and ease?” I pondered whether I was able to receive. How many times and ways have I refused to be valued, appreciated, respected?
Still, such a large gift left me uneasy. Large, in my perception, which again reminded me of my desire, and struggle, with viewing life with the lens of plenty.
Accepting this gift would not mean living for things, it would mean having some things to make life easier.
I considered the risks. I already know the risks of saying no, of living a life of poverty – poverty of spirit.
Every time I look at this car, I will feel abundance and ease. It is a recognition that someone who lived so disconnected to spirit while living in excess can generously, simply, share that wealth. I will be reminded, as I turn the key, that I too deserve options.
