As I wrapped the scarf around my neck the artist gasped and said “It was made for you”. Yet, even with such a genuine reflection I could feel my mind say ‘no’.
It’s a pattern I want to release.
In high school, the desire to break up with a volatile person clouded with limited awareness. He resorted to punching an oak tree, knuckles bleeding, claiming he wouldn’t stop until I agreed to be his girlfriend. I said yes to his control and no to my sacredness.
Today I talk with young girls, asking them if they know when to say ‘no’, and if they have the courage to say no, mean no and to be listened to when they say ‘no’. After all, it is the opposite of YES.
When I say no I do not whisper, suggest, or ask. Releasing the pattern of accepting volatility and control means I accept the joy of self-love and sacredness. I am comfortable compromising on the car I drive, the clothes I wear, the vacation I take. I will not compromise on my ability to say no when it means believing in love and rejecting fear.
I wrap the handmade scarf around my neck, knowing, without a doubt, we are all invited to radiate beauty.
The words echo back to me, as if the moisture in my mouth won’t let them go. My heart beat is louder than the echo, recognizing ‘I’ in the pronunciation ‘you’. The responsibility of my claims, judgment, compliments, forgiveness, fills my lungs as the vibrations of meaning enters my breath in a life changing awareness.
“You are not working hard enough” as I feel the result of my inability to rest and care for myself.
“You are so childish” has the potential to remind me of the joy of innocent playfulness rather than adult condemnation.
“I appreciate your honesty” honors a desire for trust.
“I feel safe with you” recognizes respect for self and others.
Listening to my own words, feeling the echo of their meaning, is like hearing the storm swirling around while staying in the calm center.
The youth before me was physically stronger than most men I knew. There was no fear between us, but there was fear present. He stood before me more as a young man, yet lacking the ability to reason and control his actions.
“What could you have said or done in the situation, to say what you needed to say in a way that you could be heard?” I realized this question was difficult for him to comprehend. Not due to the language, but to the choices. There was only one option in his mind, fight to win.
He probably had assumptions about me which limited his awareness to believe that I cared, really cared. I wanted him to know his voice has value, significance, and deserves to be heard. I wanted him to be proudly responsible for his actions. Instead I heard blaming, victimizing language.
This young person eats breaths and walks in a country that argues over copyright laws, banned books, evolution vs. creation. Money, resources, laws, are available to protect ownership of intellectual property. This same country is also unaware of the individual voices silenced.