Distorted Feelings

IMG_20160130_144501_689

In a few moments I descended to the lost, alone, damaged person I used to know so very well. The one I have slowly uncovered from the distortions layered on me over the years. Just a few moments and I was telling myself the distortions: “You’ll never amount to much” “Who do you think you are?” “You can’t do that.” I gathered myself, took a breath, and again began to uncover the distortions I was telling myself. As I began to recover myself, I assessed the damage, the physical damage, that triggered the emotional descent. The consequences involved lost billable hours and cosmetic damage to a tool. As the day progressed, and I kept having to redirect my thoughts. Mostly, my thoughts were on the physical consequences. Looking out to the mountains, I realized, I was spending all my energy and efforts to let go of the physical damage, and had not yet addressed the emotional damage.

IMG_20160130_144832_082

I heard a hawk cry as I realized how difficult it still is for me to really know when a harm is done to me. I might be the one harming myself, or someone else. It’s the same. I am often blinded when it comes to a harm being done to me. Times, experiences, when I forget my truth. Just moments, gone, lost to the distortions.

IMG_20160130_144912_908

I know, intellectually, the distortions told to me are not true. Feeling, really feeling the damage of the past is not something I want to feel.

Each day I greet the sun I feel the wonder of the day.

IMG_20160130_144954_765

Each day I greet the sun I feel the promise of a new day.

I hear the hawk again, and promise myself, when I look at the physical damage from this challenging day, to courageously share my truth.

Advertisements

Foreign Expression

DIGITAL CAMERA

 

I feel her skin

as she rests next to me.

I hear her breath

and sense my truth is foreign to her.

She sits next to me

aware of my voice.

I question the truth she expresses.

The differences between us are more than visual.

Our experiences are as vastly different as Jupiter and Neptune.

I breathe out, aware that the air from our bodies intertwines

reminding me of our similarity.

As essential as the water surrounding our planet.

Our breath

reminding me of our similarity.

As promising as the sunrise.

Air, in and out,

reminding me of our intention to

Accept with love