The words surround me then enter my body. I feel them beating in my muscles, absorbing into my bones. The letters forming words and accompanied by anger infect my blood and run through my veins. My back bends, my eyes are unable to look to the sky, my stomach tightens. The words feel as painful as a 2×4 bruising my skin.
The words are physically painful. I am vulnerable and unprepared. I believe the words, unquestionably. Until.
“Of course you are the one to say something positive.” I hear my friend’s voice but struggle to believe. How could that be true when the words that live in my body have informed me of my defects.
The words of anger, manipulation, blame, follow me step by step as I walk along the ocean. The saltwater finds it’s way into my skin, muscles, and blood. The pounding of the waves weakens the foundation of the bruises. The seagulls call for me to straighten my back and look up at the sky.
The wind caresses me, removing the illusion of the angry words, replacing them with the awareness that I am worthy.
I learn, step by step, the skills to detach. To find compassion for myself and others. I learn to be responsible for myself and no one else. The process is often not joyful as I peel off the protective shield I have built around myself. The shield that believes in the illusion that I am not worthy. Slowly, cautiously, I begin to believe in my words. Step by step I remember to dream. Surrounded by joy, I gratefully radiate the truth of who I am.
I learn to stand tall when I hear angry words. I observe their painful intent as they fade into the wind, unattached.